i just had sex bonerless
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
