I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
