fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
