It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
