all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
