I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
