you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You took a bar mat shot.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
