i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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