when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I believe in your delicious
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
