No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
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cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
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I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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