I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
