: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
