I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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