where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
