Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
