When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
