Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize