Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
