Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
