And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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