i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
