remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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