well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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