yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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