Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This is my gift to your gina
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
