and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
