Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.

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  (650): Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not. http://tfl.nu/h9ye
  Replies (7) Good night (2235) Bad night (502)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  She looked kinda like Mario Batali?

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  (250): She looked kinda like Mario Batali? http://tfl.nu/17rh
  Replies (23) Good night (517) Bad night (2813)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.

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  (978): I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb. http://tfl.nu/h3os
  Replies (4) Good night (4003) Bad night (677)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.

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  (604): i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later. http://tfl.nu/i15d
  Replies (41) Good night (902) Bad night (7001)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR

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  (804): no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR http://tfl.nu/vnpf
  Replies (10) Good night (915) Bad night (5182)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.

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  (409): Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test. http://tfl.nu/4vmp
  Replies (25) Good night (1350) Bad night (4731)
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  (661): View more from California

  I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.

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  (661): I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is. http://tfl.nu/de6o
  Replies (11) Good night (5570) Bad night (1089)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.

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  (703): I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend. http://tfl.nu/4wvr
  Replies (9) Good night (3929) Bad night (957)
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  (310): View more from California

  ...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."

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  (310): ...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately." http://tfl.nu/g8d2
  Replies (4) Good night (3554) Bad night (1022)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers

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  (603): Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers http://tfl.nu/0i28
  Replies (5) Good night (1823) Bad night (740)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends

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  (512): It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends http://tfl.nu/i1vw
  Replies (3) Good night (1745) Bad night (727)
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  (916): View more from California

  Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home

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  (916): Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home http://tfl.nu/dlwc
  Replies (3) Good night (664) Bad night (1670)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY

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  (513): Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY http://tfl.nu/rc9r
  Replies (7) Good night (1029) Bad night (425)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.

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  (+44): Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again. http://tfl.nu/5f8v
  Replies (2) Good night (213) Bad night (469)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.

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  (402): All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail. http://tfl.nu/8ssh
  Replies (3) Good night (461) Bad night (285)

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