What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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