Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
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