Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
