He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
