I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
