I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
