Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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