i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
