Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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