there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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