and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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