i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
