my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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