NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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