I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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