Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
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Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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