Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
