and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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