i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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