i think my mom watched the whole time
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
