I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
