she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
