Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
