six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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