You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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