Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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