I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
