I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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