Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
