Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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