Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
