I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
