He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm lost and stupid without you.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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