I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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