went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
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Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
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Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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